dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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