sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We need to feng shui this bitch.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
