did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
