I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
