Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
