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I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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