I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize