i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
