She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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