if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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