i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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