your thong is hanging out like whoa
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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