While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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