I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
