I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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