weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
