Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
