i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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