I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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