All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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