What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize