How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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