I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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