I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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