How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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