I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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