I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
