Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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