I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
