someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
