but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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