i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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