Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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