No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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