paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
