no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
