My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
