the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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