I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
