he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
