Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
