Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just want nice things and good sex
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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