dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
