drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
