remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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