beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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