its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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