TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
