Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
