I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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