I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
