he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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