The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The Olympian is in my bed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
