you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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