I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
