He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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