Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
