Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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