He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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