i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
