I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
