hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
