i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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