Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
