apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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