you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
