New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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