smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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