Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
