The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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