Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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