Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
