A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i think my cat just said my name.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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