like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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