I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
