I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
