She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
