3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
