Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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