Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
