from now on my penis is your penis
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
