So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
