She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
