Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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