I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
