God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
