The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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