how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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