My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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