I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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