you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
