Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
