Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
