pop tarts are not kleenex
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
