about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
