Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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