He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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