Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
