i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize