I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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