This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
