I can text with my tongue
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
